Shooting for the moon, and landing on your face

There's a popular saying about shooting for the moon, you know the one, if you don't, Pinterest has you covered. It's supposed to be comforting, a salve for the ego in those moments when you've missed the mark. The truth is, if you aim for the moon and miss, even if you end up amongst the stars (rather than suffocating in the vacuum of space, which is much more probable), it's perfectly natural to feel crappy when you fall short. Setting a goal and not reaching it feels bad, even when it's something that only really matters to you, even when there are perfectly reasonable explanations, even when it wasn't entirely in your control. Missing the moon feels shitty and that's ok.

I had big plans for getting the blog back up and running, for being focused and committed, to taking my writing seriously enough to write something, ANYTHING, every single day. I have not managed that, not even close. There are lots of reasons why, some of them valid, some self-pitying, and some seriously dubious, but there are reasons. Since my last blog post I've had an epic trip to go collect my belongings from the home I shared with my abuser, I've sold the aforementioned house, I've danced in Central Park with the most phenomenal man I have ever known, I've cried a lot, I've been angry and frustrated, I've felt lonesome and loved, but I have not blogged. I said I would, but I haven't and it feels like shit; partly because I feel guilty and partly because I'm pretty certain it probably doesn't matter to anyone but me, which feels worse. 

So what do we do when we look up at the moon and that big cheesy grin looks like a sneer? I think we forgive ourselves and keep trying. Maybe we cut ourselves a little slack and aim a little lower. Maybe we buy a ladder and a copy of Astrophysics for Dummies. I'm going to keep trying to write something everyday for the next few days. Get ready for grocery lists, expletives, and perhaps an incoherent rant on arts funding if I get really focused. 

Here's to failing big and trying again and again.