For about twenty minutes yesterday, this was my approximate view as I swam in the Hudson. I stroked and kicked as hard and as fast and my limbs would manage, begging my lungs not to explode. I prayed, cursed my body and the current, then prayed some more. Yet every time I lifted my head, this was my view. It gave me some comfort that my friends and teammates seemed to also be stuck in their respective positions, each of us moving furiously but getting nowhere, but mostly it just made me mad. For the past few weeks I have constantly felt stuck, in my job, my training, my fundraising, no matter how hard I work, I never seem to make any progress. That stupid lighthouse, staying just out of reach, was on my last nerve! When the kayaker said it was time to turn back, I was frustrated, but overjoyed.
The swim back was choppy but fun. I would swim a few strokes freestyle then, when the waves made breathing a challenge, I'd switch to breaststroke and bob and glide with the waves, no longer fighting, but being carried by the strong current that had been my nemesis only a few minutes before. It took less than 20 minutes to get back near the cove we call home, according to the kayaker beside me. I was happy to be nearly done, but still feeling kind of defeated. Suddenly, I heard cheering. My teammate, Susan, was standing on the rocks at the beach club cheering me on and welcoming me back. When I came out of the water, she walked over, wrapped me in a towel, kissed my forehead and cheeks and told me what a good job I had done. I almost cried in her arms. She was my angel, my cheerleader. In that moment she helped me realize that I have made progress.
This group of strangers has become a team. Many of the people on the team have become dear friends. Six months ago I was recovering from back-to-back-to-back surgeries and now, I'm whining that I only swam two miles in the Hudson!
Before we started our coach reminded us to look to our sides as we swam, to make sure we were making progress. I think it's hard to measure progress in real time. Some days it feels like we'll never get unstuck. Sometimes a lighthouse can become an enemy. Sometimes it feels like we'll never unlock the keys to curing cancer. It's only when we take the time to look back that we see how far we've actually come.
