Label Maker

Quick, think of three words to describe yourself. Now, think of three words you think others might ascribe to you. Are they the same? Better or worse? Do they change?  I've been thinking a lot, during this training process, about the labels we put on ourselves and the ones we hope, or fear, others have put on us and how those labels shape our thoughts and actions.
When I tell people that I am in training for a swim across the Hudson, my expectation is always that they will not believe me.   I've never seen myself as athletic; I was always a chubby kid who loved to dance and sing and read, but an athlete? Not me. I've been called horrible, hateful things in my time by strangers and friends alike, but no one ever screamed "swimmer!" across a crowded cafeteria. Even when I played team sports I thought of myself as an outsider, waiting for someone to reveal my complete lack of credentials.
On our first night of practice I told my team that I had learned to live in the body that I have and to push that body to do amazing things, no matter its size or shape, but I wasn't sure any of us bought it. In the weeks since, I have started swimming as often as I can, carrying my swim bag around constantly, just in case I can't make it through the day without heading to the pool. Each time I get in the water I get a little stronger, breathe a little easier, trust in myself a little more, but there are moments when I start to worry about looking foolish, being too slow, not really being an athlete. I've come to realize that my greatest challenge is not a three mile Hudson River crossing or a fundraising goal (though please feel  free to donate); my greatest obstacles are the words I have written on my soul and adopted as essential characteristics.
I've struggled with whether to publish this post, because, let's face it, the internet is not Mr. Roger's Neighborhood, but even the Neighborhood of Make-Believe had a Lady Elaine Fairchilde. My challenge to myself this week is to remember that most labels are only affixed with glue and that I have control over what gets written below "Hello, my name is..."